


oikawa tooru and the wonderful bitch fest

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, as i said before uh its gay, but every other chapter will be traditional writing if i can keep up the inspiration ayyyye, its a chatfic because thats all im good for, shoulda probably put that one first lmao, stay frosty my dudes B), the bitchass drama professor is homophobic so just a warning, uhhhhh i think thats it for now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-01 04:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12149025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: prettyboi has created a new chat.prettyboi has added bo!! OvO, meow bitch and iwa to the conversation.prettyboi has changed the chat name to "bitch fest".prettyboi: alright fuckers sit your asses down and shut the hell up because do i have a goddamn story for you[Copyrighted. No part of this story may be reproduced in any way without written permission.]





	oikawa tooru and the wonderful bitch fest

**Author's Note:**

> lmao here we go again

  **drama squad gc** ,  **11:23 PM**

**sugarwater:** i still think you should ask kuroo and bokuto out. youve been pining for like 3 months and all of us are tired of it

 

**sugarwater:** i lose 10 years of my life and a considerable chunk of my soul every time you sigh over them

 

**prettyboi:** HEY SHUT YOUR FUCK WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS

 

**sugarwater:**.....shut my what now

 

**prettyboi:** ,,,,dont question it

 

**prettyboi:** and besides, they're happy together

 

**ohnoshitaaa:** Oikawa Fucking Tooru If You Give Us This Speech One More Time I Am Going To Lose My Shit: a novel by me

 

**ohnoshitaaa:** just talk to them, i'm sure it'll be fine

 

**prettyboi:** WOW

 

**ohnoshitaaa:** i speak the truth

 

**ta-knock-knock:** damn right

 

**ohnoshitaaa:** lksadlkandv

 

**prettyboi:** "just talk to them, i'm sure it'll be fine"

 

**ohnoshitaaa:** HOW DARE

 

**sugarwater:** alright children break it up

 

**sugarwater:** oikawa you have both of their contacts right

 

**prettyboi:** yeah?? and????

 

**sugarwater:** g r o u p c h a t

 

**ohnoshitaaa:** g r o u p c h a t

 

**ta-knock-knock:** g r o u p c h a t

 

**prettyboi:** WHAT WOULD WE EVEN TALK ABOUT

 

**sugarwater:** tell them about us roasting the drama prof!!

 

**ohnoshitaaa:** oh man thats a Good Story

 

**ta-knock-knock:** if you dont do it i will

 

**prettyboi:** okay fine jesus fucking christ

 

**prettyboi:**  but im adding iwa-chan as a buffer :/

 

**sugarwater:** ok just dO IT

 

**prettyboi:** OKAY, OKAY

**11:34 PM**

**prettyboi** has created a new chat.

 

 

**prettyboi** has added  **bo!! OvO** ,  **meow, bitch**  and  **iwa**  to the conversation.

 

**prettyboi** has changed the chat name to " **bitch fest** ".

 

**prettyboi:** alright fuckers sit your asses down and shut the hell up because do i have a goddamn story for you

 

**iwa:** This is a chat. We can't fucking sit.

 

**prettyboi:** mean!!!

 

**prettyboi:** guess you dont want to hear about our homophobic drama professor getting roasted but yknow

 

**bo!! OvO:** HE WHAT

 

**meow, bitch:** AHAHAHAHAH TELL ME  _EVERYTHING_

**prettyboi:** wellllllllll iwa-chan kind of ruined it for you so

 

**meow, bitch:** oikawa  _please tell me_

**prettyboi:** okay fine

 

**prettyboi:** i'll dm you

 

**prettyboi >>> meow, bitch**,  **11:38 PM**

**prettyboi:** OKAY HOLY SHIT

 

**prettyboi:** so basically

 

**prettyboi:** suga made a joke (read: ennoshita was talking to tanaka all blushy n shit and suga said "haha gay")

 

**prettyboi:** and this motherfucker freaked the fuck out??

 

**prettyboi:** "THIS WAS NOT GOD'S PLAN" and all that

 

**prettyboi:** can i just say right now suga doesnt fucking  _play_

**meow, bitch:** lasvdnlaskdn i think i can see where this is going

 

**prettyboi:** i bet you can, mr. honors classes

 

**prettyboi:** anyway

 

**prettyboi:** suga?? grabs me??? and kisses me???? like okay yeah cool

 

**prettyboi:** i mean tbh not my type but yknow

 

**meow, bitch:** yeah we all know iwaizumi is your type

 

**prettyboi:** SHUT YOUR FUCK

 

**meow, bitch:** LMAO

 

**meow, bitch:** CONTINUE

 

**prettyboi:** so we thought that would shut him up right

 

**meow, bitch:** wrong, im guessing

 

**prettyboi:** yep

 

**prettyboi:** so this hoe goes "I COULD FAIL BOTH OF YOU FOR THAT DISGUSTING BEHAVIOR"

 

**prettyboi:** and im Not Here For This ya feel me

 

**prettyboi:** so i say "actually that's directly against school policy"

 

**meow, bitch:** oh damn

 

**prettyboi:** "so is shoving religion in our faces"

 

**meow, bitch:** OH DAMN

 

**prettyboi:** "and hate speech"

 

**meow, bitch:** _OH DAMN_

**prettyboi:** "so technically you could get fired, seeing as how that's three offences"

 

**meow, bitch:** _OIKAWA YOURE MAKING ME WISH I WAS TAKING DRAMA CLASSES_

**prettyboi:** you'd be that one kid quietly going "ohhhhhhhh" in the back of the auditorium and you know it

 

**prettyboi:** anyway the rest of our class just fucking opens up the floodgates as far as talking shit about him goes and it was great oh man

 

**meow, bitch:** oh my god

 

**bitch fest** ,  **11:51 PM**

**bo!! OvO:** oikawa i didnt do anything wrong :((((((( dont punish me for iwaizumis mistakes!!

 

**meow, bitch:** it's ok i got receipts

 

**bo!! OvO:** my savior!!!

 

**iwa:** I mean, Oikawa can't go 24 hours without telling me something, so I'll be hearing about this sometime in the near future anyway.

 

**prettyboi:** _mean!!!_

**iwa:** It's a talent.

 

**meow, bitch:** get fucked oikawaaaaa

 

**prettyboi >>> meow, bitch**, **11:53 PM**

**prettyboi:** _excuse me bitch i think the fuck not_

**meow, bitch:** AHAHA YOU LOVE ME

 

**prettyboi >>> iwa**, **11:54 PM**

**prettyboi:** kuroo just said "you love me" and im just like shit fuck god jesus i do

 

**iwa:** Your raging crush on Kuroo is the reason I still talk to you at this point.

 

**prettyboi:** EXCUSE ME

 

**iwa:** I enjoy seeing you suffer. You probably deserve it.

 

**iwa:** See, your raging crush on Bokuto is the  _other_  reason I still talk to you.

 

**prettyboi:** my what

 

**iwa:** Oikawa.  _Sweetie_.

 

**prettyboi:** no seriously im so confused

 

**iwa:** It's pretty clear to everyone else that you're in love with them both.

 

**iwa:** Think on it for a solid five minutes and then come back.

 

**prettyboi:**??? ok???

 

**11:57 PM**

**prettyboi:** holy fucking shit iwa-chan

 

**iwa:** It didn't even take you the whole five minutes? I'm impressed.

 

**prettyboi:** why are you always so mean to meeee :(((((

 

**meow, bitch**   **> >> prettyboi**,  **11:58 PM**

**meow, bitch:** okay wow rude

 

**meow, bitch:** oikawaaaaa

 

**meow, bitch:** _oikawaaaaaaaa_

 

**12:01 AM**

**meow, bitch:** _oikawaaaaaaaaaaaa_

 

**prettyboi:** wot

 

**meow, bitch:** i see how it is

 

**meow, bitch:** WAIT NO YOU REPLIED

 

**meow, bitch:** okokok

 

**meow, bitch:** i have a serious question

 

**prettyboi:**??? go ahead, whats stopping you

 

**prettyboi >>> iwa**,  **12:02 AM**

**prettyboi** has sent the file  **oh_fuck.jpg**.

 

**iwa:** Oh boy.

 

**prettyboi:** IM HAVING A CRISIS

 

**iwa:** A gay crisis, if you will.

 

**meow, bitch >>> prettyboi**,  **12:02 AM**

**meow, bitch:** the crushing fear of rejection

 

**meow, bitch:** crippling anxiety

 

**meow, bitch:** the fact that for all i know you actually hate me

 

**meow, bitch:** anyway

 

**meow, bitch:** you know how i'm dating bokuto, right?

 

**prettyboi:** ye??

 

**meow, bitch:** sorry forget it this was stupid forget i said anything laksnvalskdv

 

**prettyboi:** KUROO TETSUROU GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE

 

**prettyboi:** i mean what

 

**prettyboi >>> iwa**,  **12:03 AM**

**prettyboi:** I SAID SOMETHING STUPID AND NOW IM CHOKING ON CEREAL

 

**prettyboi:** i mean not  _choking_ choking but i just coughed for a good 5 seconds

 

**iwa:** Hang on, let me grab some popcorn.

 

**prettyboi:** _now is not the time you fuck_

**meow, bitch >>> prettyboi**,  **12:03 AM**

**meow, bitch:** okay

 

**meow, bitch:** bokuto and i were wondering if maybe you would want to date us

 

**prettyboi:** laksLKFNSALDKNFAL

 

**prettyboi >>> iwa**,  **12:03 AM**

**prettyboi:** ALSKDNVALSKFNVAOSFVNALSD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

**iwa:** Oh my god, calm down.

 

**prettyboi:** I CSNT

 

**meow, bitch >>> prettyboi**,  **12:03 AM**

**meow, bitch:** OH GOD IM SORRY

 

**prettyboi:** DONT APOLOGIZE YOU PIECE OF SHIT I WOULD LOVE TO

 

**prettyboi:** _SHIT I WASNT GONNA SAY THAT_

**meow, bitch:** LKNSDLKANLK

 

**12:13 AM**

**meow, bitch:** sooo

**meow, bitch:** wow

 

**prettyboi:** yeah

 

**prettyboi:** wow

 

**meow, bitch:** soooooo

 

**meow, bitch:** funny story i wasnt actually supposed to ask you until bo's birthday

 

**prettyboi:** funny story i was actually gonna confess on bo's birthday

 

**meow, bitch:** wow

 

**prettyboi:** wow

 

**prettyboi >>> iwa**,  **12:13 AM**

**prettyboi:** IWA-CHAN YOURE NEVER GONNA FUCKIN GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED

 

**iwa:** I'm too sober for this.

 

**prettyboi:** SHHHHH IM SHOOK AS FUCC

 

**iwa:** No, really? I never would have guessed!

 

**prettyboi:**.........i am

 

**prettyboi:** offended

 

**iwa:** What? Oikawa?  _Offended_? It's the end of the world. Tell my mother I love her and tell Godzilla we'll be together again soon.

 

**12:16 AM**

**prettyboi:** i forgot godzilla was the name of your dog for a second so i was like "what drugs is he on now"

 

**iwa:** I can't believe you.

 

**prettyboi:** haha yeah bet you cant believe im so STUNNINGLY FUCKIN GORGEOUS

 

**iwa:**....Sure. We'll go with that.

**Author's Note:**

> hooo boy shoutout to jolene for giving me feedback


End file.
